Take a deep breath – you can do this.

We remember when the diagnosis first came through for our parents. We had all the same emotions of shock, anger, sadness, relief to have an answer, and then a feeling of being extremely overwhelmed. We are here to tell you two things.

1) You are not alone.

2) You can do this. Truly you can.

Below are the top 5 tips for beginner caregivers:

1. Patience

Hold on tight, this is going to be a bumpy ride. This disease will test your patience. That is a fact, and we apologize for ripping the band-aid off that very true statement. But, going back to number two above, you can do this. As an individual’s brain function deteriorates, their language and reasoning skills will also deteriorate. However, many times their emotional intelligence stays intact longer.

What does that mean? Well, your nonverbal and emotional temperament becomes increasingly important. Your tone of voice, volume level, speech speed, facial expressions, hand gestures, and eye rolls all matter. If you can demonstrate a calm, reassuring, and patient demeanor, you will be able to accomplish so much more. Will you lose it from time to time? Of course, we all need to give ourselves some grace. But, if you can incorporate techniques like deep breathing, prayer, and meditation into your daily route, hopefully, you can quench your fuse before it blows.

2. Self-care

You are no good to anyone sick, injured, or worse. As caregivers, we get it; you don’t have time. You don’t have time to be sick; you don’t have time for yourself; hell, you barely have time for a shower. But we can’t stress enough; you have to find the time. You have to prioritize yourselves in this journey. We know the first time you take a few hours for yourself, you will have that ping of guilt, but the reward will outweigh the guilt. So what is the answer to your self-care? It is anything you enjoy outside of taking care of your loved one. Some days it might just be a long hot, uninterrupted shower; other times, a three-day girl’s trip and everything in-between. Find the time – you are worth it.

One sign of Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia is the inability to follow multi-step commands. Gone are the days when you could say, “Can you go take a shower because we have a party tonight, and don’t forget to wear a coat and tie.” Or, “Can you drop this envelope in the mailbox when you get today’s mail and grab the paper too while you are out there.” These once everyday interactions need to be simplified. Trying to continue communicating at this level will only make you and your loved one frustrated, angry, and agitated.

It is a new way of communicating but breaking things down into one-step commands will allow for a smoother day. It will also make your companion feel effective and successful. For example, “Sweetheart, can you take a shower?” Once the shower is done, “You need to wear a coat and tie. Do you like this blue coat or gray coat.” Please keep it simple; trust us, you will thank us later.

4. Work on your redirection skills

You can visit our whole blog post on redirection and how to incorporate that into your communication strategies. Redirection can work wonders in keeping agitation and anger levels in check. Instead of battling a situation that is not going well, try to redirect your loved one to something different. Please read our blog for a more in-depth look into redirection. It is a helpful tool for your toolbox.

5. Meet them where they are

This may be the most crucial tip we ever give our readers and the most challenging one for caregivers to master. Every day can be different. Simple changes are happening in their brain we cannot see. It is a hard reality to face; sorry, another Band-Aid ripping moment, but we understand that reality completely. The more you as a caregiver can come into your companion’s world, the better. Their sense of reasoning, ability to understand complex tasks and conversations and executive functioning skills are all deteriorating. It is hard to grasp because we can’t see it. They look the same, but inside their brain, things are changing. If your loved one fell, broke their hip, and had to walk with a walker, would you ask them to go dancing? No. Well, it is the same with dementia. The more you can stop asking them to come into your world, and you can instead meet them where they are in their world, the better.

Try to stop correcting them and trying to “make them understand.” Each person affected with dementia or Alzheimer’s is changing differently. Every day may be different than the last; it is just the nature of the disease. It is annoying, tiring, and frustrating, but true. However, we hope you can try to enjoy where they are today. When you succumb to meeting them where they are and not forcing them to meet you where you are, life opens up with a whole new world of possibilities and joy. This journey does not have to be all doom and gloom, and once you meet your loved ones where they are each day, you begin to see that joy.

Bonus tip

Reach out for help. It takes a village. If you have raised children, you remember the babysitters, tutors, best friends, and family members you relied upon to get you through the early stages of parenthood. Caring for an individual with dementia is not that different, except we are at the other end of the pendulum of life, not the beginning. Ask for help. Try to find support groups, and gather a village to support you and your loved one. Generally, people who love you want to help, offer support, and be there for you; take them up on that offer.

If you found this blog helpful; leave a comment and let us know. Continue to check back in for new and upcoming blog posts, local events, and other helpful information. If you know of a fantastic caregiver who needs respite support, nominate them here. Does The Caregiver Club® mission speak to your heart? Donate now to help us continue our mission of helping caregivers.