What are tips for getting your parents to see a doctor for memory loss?

Yes, we are talking about your stubborn, defiant, annoying, frustrating, acting like a moody 13-year-old girl and driving me to drink parents – GRRRRR!

What do we do when our parents do not go to a neurologist to test for dementia because they think nothing is wrong?

It can be difficult to persuade someone to see a healthcare provider, especially if they do not think anything is wrong. You need to keep your eye on the prize, and if there are a few lies to get the job done, don’t feel guilty; you are doing the right thing. We understand that your emotions will range from crying in a heap of sadness to immense frustration to helplessness. Try and stay calm, encouraging, and level-headed. If you can work to remain calm and level-headed, your outcome will go much smoother. Yelling does not solve the problem. But it can be exhausting. We get it. Remember you are not alone and this is a journey, buckle up.

Here are a few things you can try: (take note that some days one tactic may work, and then a completely different one may work. Keep trying.)

• Emphasize the benefits of early diagnosis. Early diagnosis can help manage the condition and may lead to better outcomes.
  • Reference other diseases like cancer or heart disease.
  • Reference friends or relatives that have gone to see a doctor in the early stages of a disease. Preferably ones that have benefited from early interventions.

• Offer to go with your parent or spouse to the appointment. Having someone there for support may make them feel more comfortable and less anxious about going.
  • This may be one area where you lie to get your result. My dad did. He said he needed to see a neurologist and asked if mom would go with him. Sometimes doing it together can get them into the doctors. Don’t worry; the doctors know you are not there for yourself. Talk to the front desk about your tactic. But keep up the charades till you get your results. You can consider it payback for all the lies your parents told you about Santa Clause and the Tooth Fair. The benefits of getting to a doctor outweigh the harm of a white lie. We like to call it therapeutic lying. More on that HERE.

• Consider enlisting the help of other family members or friends, and sometimes hearing the same message from multiple people can be more effective.
  • Pull in their best friends or people they admire. Older grandkids can have a positive influence too. Getting their spouse on board is key to your success if you are a daughter or son.

• Offer to make the appointment for your parent. Sometimes the thought of making and going to an appointment can be overwhelming, so offering to take care of these tasks can make it easier for them to go.
  • This can be especially true if your loved one lives alone. Making a doctor’s appointment is a higher level of excitative skill, and if they have memory issues, this ability to make the appointment can be difficult and scary. It may not be that they don’t want to see the doctor. It’s because they don’t know how to go through the steps to make an appointment. See our blog post HERE for more.

• Be patient and understanding. It may take time for your parent to accept that there may be something wrong and agree to see a healthcare provider. It is important to be patient and understanding as you try to persuade them to get the help they need.
  • It can be a long mountain to climb. I felt like with my mom, it was one step forward and three steps back. Alicia felt the same way, and it took years for them to get the proper diagnosis. Keep chipping away at the block, and have patience and grace for yourself too. 

These are just a few areas that could help get your loved one to the doctor. Please remember not all doctors are the same. You need to be an advocate for your loved one and do your research on doctors in your area. You want to make sure you see a neurologist that specializes in elderly care and dementia.

Don’t be afraid to call the doctor’s office before the appointment and express your concerns with the nurse or doctor. And most important remember you are not alone in this journey. We are here for you.

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